“It rocked our world.”
That’s how Ron and Sharon (not their real names) described how they felt when their son came out as Queer.
Later, they realized was “What was a shock for us as parents was a relief for our child,” said Ron. “We were heartbroken to realize how afraid he was to tell us, so afraid we would reject him.”
They didn’t reject him, and it started the Mennonite Brethren couple on a journey of learning and acceptance of their Queer son and other LGBTQ+ people.
Ron and Sharon shared their story September 23 at the second episode of A Time To Listen, an online conversation for Canadian Mennonite Brethren church members who want to talk about LGBTQ+ and the church.
A total of 115 screens were tuned into the episode, which also included sharing by Lucy, a former Mennonite Brethren pastor who transitioned from male to female.
The journey now is “different now than it was at the beginning,” said Sharon, who grew up in a Mennonite Brethren church while Ron joined later as a young adult.
Before their son came out, “the Bible seemed black and white” on the issue of LGBTQ+, Sharon said—it said it was wrong. But then they took a deeper look.
“Things are not as black and white as they used to be,” she said of their years of study and research into the subject.
As they gained a better understanding of what the Bible said about homosexuality—including the so-called “clobber” passages—they realized the Bible wasn’t talking about committed same-sex relationships.
Today, they say they don’t have all the answers, but they realize being LGBTQ+ “is not a choice,” said Sharon.
“We are more comfortable with ambiguity,” she added, noting they choose “to err on the side of love, of grace over condemnation.”
“We would rather be too compassionate than too judgmental,” added Ron.
While they accepted their son, they were still anxious about telling others. When he came out more publicly about eight months later, “it opened doors for us to talk to other parents in same situation,” Sharon said.
They joined a local group of parents of LGBTQ+ children, something that has become “a lifeline,” she said. “We get each other, we understand each other.”
It’s still not easy with some of their Christian friends; some never ask about their son, and some friendships have cooled.
What hurts them is seeing how churches exclude LGBTQ+ Christians.
“We need to listen to their stories of pain and ongoing faith,” said Ron. “Their identity is not their choice. They are damaged by the exclusion they have encountered. And yet, they have showed little anger and much grace.”
The Christian community “needs to recognize the damage that has been done and work towards reconciliation,” added Sharon.
The couple continues to be struck by how Jesus accepted people on fringes. Yet, Ron said, “the church is more inclined to condemn fringe people, like LGBTQ+ people. That is disappointing. That definitely doesn’t seem to be the Jesus way.”
Attitudes like that are the reason their children—they have three—have moved away from the church, he added.
Sometimes the church doesn’t feel like a safe space for them, either.
Some people are “more concerned about our orthodoxy than our journey,” Sharon said, adding “many are surprisingly hesitant to talk about it.”
But the topic won’t go away, said Ron, “even if the church ignores it.” LGBTQ+ people “are in our churches already. If don’t listen, we lose the opportunity to talk about it constructively.”
At the same time, the church will lose more LGBTQ+ people, and their friends and families, he added.
Looking back “We have come to see our journey as a gift,” said Ron, noting it gave them a new understanding of God’s unconditional love.
As for LGBTQ+ Christians,
“the church is poorer for excluding them,” said Sharon.
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