Additional sexual abuse claims substantiated against former The Meeting House pastors Bruxy Cavey, Tim Day

Board of Overseers, church leaders at Aug. 14 Town Hall

Following two additional investigations into clergy sexual abuse and misconduct, The Meeting House has confirmed three more substantiated allegations against its former pastor, Bruxy Cavey.

That news was shared at an August 14 public town hall meeting held by the church.

 That brings to four the number of substantiated allegations against Cavey, who resigned from the church in March following the announcement of the first substantiated allegation.

One of the new allegations involved someone who was under the age of 18 when the abuse occurred, the church reported.

The church also announced a substantiated allegation of sexual abuse or misconduct against another former pastor, Tim Day.

The claims were substantiated by an independent investigator with experience in the field of sexual abuse and misconduct, the church said.

“In all cases, the victims suffered great harm,” said Jennifer Hryniw, a member of the church’s Board of Overseers, at the meeting.

While Cavey was involved in the additional investigations, Day chose not to participate although he was “provided multiple opportunities” to do so.

Hryniw went on to say The Meeting House had decided to clarify its language around the allegations, calling what happened “sexual abuse by a church leader”—a term it adopted from Mennonite Central Committee.

According to that definition, sexual abuse by a church leader is “any sexualized behavior that occurs within the church context where one party has more power than the other,” she said.

This marks a change from the first investigation, when The Meeting House referred to Cavey’s actions as sexual misconduct or harassment.

At the time, the church thought its language—taken directly from the first investigator’s report—was “strong enough to convey the seriousness” of the situation, Hryniw said.

By not calling it sexual abuse, some felt the church was “downplaying the harm done,” she noted.

“That was never our intention . . . we have learned a lot since then,” she said.

Hryniw went on to commend the bravery of the first victim, who “endured so much” and “deeply apologized” on behalf of the church for taking so long to name what she had experienced. 

During a question-and-answer time, Bruce Miller, a member of the Board of Overseers, acknowledged the church’s decision to provide financial support to Cavey and his family after his resignation elicited some “very strong opinions.”

That compensation, he said, “has now come to an end,” he said, adding that Day has not received any compensation.

Some victims are receiving financial support for counselling, he said.

When asked if the police have been informed about the new substantiated allegations, Miller said they have been “made aware.”

When pressed for more details about the abuse, and whether they were just “inappropriate” comments or behaviours, church leaders declined to go into specifics out of consideration for the victims and to prevent their identities from being revealed.

Hryniw clarified that none of the cases of abuse involved “misunderstood comments.”

“We had a robust investigation that was detailed and thorough . . . the victims were credible, the claims were substantiated,” she said.

When asked why Cavey had not been given a chance to speak to the congregation, Hryniw replied “unless someone fully admits and fully repents, we are not giving an opportunity to speak to our community.”

For Nour Aziz, another member of the Board of Overseers, hearing stories from victims was “heartbreaking, disappointing, inexcusable . . . we need to name it for what it is.”

Power in a church “should never be top down,” she went on to say, adding “we want to move forward in a way that doesn’t hurt people anymore.”

Opinion: A few reflections on the June 8 The Meeting House Town Hall meeting about sexual misconduct and abuse

I attended the June 7 The Meeting House Town Hall meeting, the one where it was revealed there were 38 reports of, or inquiries about, clergy sexual misconduct and abuse at that southern Ontario church.

I wrote about that meeting in Anabaptist World.

A few impressions.

First, I give full credit to leadership at The Meeting House for facing this head on and dealing with it in an open and transparent manner.

Even though none of the members of the Board of Overseers was in leadership when the abuses and misconduct happened, they have owned it and promised to see the investigations through to the end—to “turn the lights” on to it, no matter what the investigations reveal.

Second, full respect to Jennifer Hryniw, the member of the Board of Overseers tasked with detailing the findings of the reports and the investigations to this point. 

She brought a sense of sadness and heaviness to her sharing that was totally appropriate and genuine, considering the subject matter.

The long pauses she took between sentences as she shared spoke volumes, and helped listeners enter the deep sense of pain she was feeling about what had happened.

Third, I didn’t think there was sufficient time for lament during the meeting. I acknowledge it might have been happening in other forums, but it was lacking June 8.

Although the pain and suffering of victims was acknowledged and named, the second part of the meeting felt too upbeat and positive to me—God is going to help us through this! God has plans for us!

As one person put it: “They talked about the latest developments for about 15 minutes total, (out of about 90 minutes), took a very few questions, and then spent the rest of the time being inordinately excited about the future of the church. It was like whiplash: 'We own this, but can you all look over here now and see all the exciting things that are happening next? We’re done looking at the ugly stuff.'”

“As a congregation they need to sit with this and grieve this if they want to actually get to the point of meaningful change, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. Every single church and organization always skips right over this step. And that is a key reason nothing ever changes.”

For me, talk about future plans for the church might have been better left for another time; let the gravity of what has happened sink in.

Fourth, I appreciated how leadership indicated this was not a matter of a few bad apples doing a few bad things, but a culture problem in the church in the past.

From what was said at the meeting, and from talking to former members and insiders, it is clear there was a workplace culture issue that not only permitted this kind of activity—but enabled it and stifled any concerns about it.

This was made plain by Hryniw, who said: “We also heard stories of brave individuals who tried to address the culture of immorality in the past. They felt shut down and alienated by the church.”

This “culture of immorality” wasn’t only about clergy sexual misconduct, she said, but also about other leaders and staff who engaged in sexual misconduct, adultery and “troubling” emotional abuse.

Finally, while church leaders indicated giving is down 30-40%, they didn’t indicate what has happened to attendance. One could speculate that it, like giving, is down, too.

According to one expert who consults with churches that have experienced clergy sexual abuse, a decrease in attendance and giving is normal after an occurrence like that.

:That 30-40% number is par for the course,” for churches that experience clergy sexual abuse, she said.

“When I have consulted with churches going through this, I usually tell them they can expect this and should prepare.”

Not only that, over 50% of churches that experience misconduct will close their doors within five years, she said, citing research in that area.

“When I look at the churches I have worked with, those figures are about right,” she said. “Half the churches I consulted with closed within five years. And they were vibrant and engaged churches before that.”

It will be interesting to see how the Meeting House will fare, she added, adding that “word on the street is that many people have exited worshipping at the Meeting House . . . From what I have heard, many have just left the church, not going other places.”

Church members are secondary victims, in a situation like this, she said. “They experience a huge loss of trust in authority figures, and even loss of faith in God.”

Not surprised there are more victims: Two views on new sexual misconduct allegations against Bruxy Cavey

 

After posting news about two new allegations of sexual misconduct against Bruxy Cavey, the former lead pastor of The Meeting House, I heard from two people who have experience in working with denominations and victims of clergy sexual misconduct and abuse.

“Sadly, I am not surprised that there are more women,” said Karen Martens Zimmerly, currently a pastor at First Mennonite Church of Iowa City, about two more individuals coming forward with allegations of sexual misconduct against Cavey.

Martens Zimmerly did work on policies for clergy sexual misconduct when she was denominational minister for Mennonite Church Canada.

During that time, “a colleague told me that when a male pastor is confronted about a sexual misconduct violation, he is usually willing to admit it. This is often because he hopes it will cover the trail of other violations he has engaged in.”

Carol Penner teaches practical theology at Conrad Grebel University College in Waterloo, Ont.

She, too, thought it was likely there were other victims, “simply because pastors who violate sexual boundaries often have numerous victims.”

Penner, who has experience working with survivors of sexual abuse, wonders why The Meeting House didn’t immediately do a wider call for victims to come forward at the beginning of the investigation.

“Victims may not have wanted to come forward then,” she acknowledged. “But they may not have trusted the process.”

They may also not have been able to find the sexual misconduct policy; it is not available on The Meeting House’s website, or at least not able to be found with a search, she said.

“How are victims supposed to see what standards pastors are held to or what procedures they follow with complaints?” she asked.

While Penner has not seen the policy, she wonders whether the terms used in it limited the investigator to calling it misconduct rather than clergy sexual abuse.

At the same time, she realizes creating or changing those policies is complex.

“It takes months and lots of consultation to change misconduct policies and procedures,” she said, adding she is on a binational committee working on that for Mennonite Church USA/Canada doing that now.

Penner said she sympathizes with The Meeting House Board of Overseers for being saddled with an outdated policy.

“The investigator had to stick with the policy, that’s the way policies work,” she said.

Her hunch is some on the Board wanted to say more, including the words “pastoral sexual misconduct,” but wonders if they were advised by their legal counsel to only use the words from the policy.

Lawyers, she added, “are hired to protect the church from making mistakes that could lead to litigation.”

The church may also have been worried they will be sued by the victim (now victims), she went on to say, “or that Cavey will sue them for saying he did something that the investigation did not find.”

As for “Hagar,” “I really feel for her,” she said. “She was not given the clear statement she wanted, and she wasn’t given a victim advocate by the church. But she does have good people standing with her. Healing from clergy sexual misconduct is a very long journey.”

As for Cavey, he “may be reconsidering the wisdom of posting his confession,” she said. “Reading that may have galvanized other victims because he doesn’t apologize to them.”

Cavey himself “is the most powerful person in this story, with the most followers,” she added.

“He has used his platform to talk about himself mostly, to talk about ‘adultery’ and an ‘affair.’ He has not understood yet what he did to the victim. It takes a couple of years of counselling for abusers to gain some empathy for their victims, something he clearly lacks.”

Two more allegations of sexual misconduct laid against former The Meeting House pastor Bruxy Cavey

 

In a letter sent to members of The Meeting House on March 19, Maggie John, chair of the Overseers Board, said they have received two more allegations of sexual misconduct against former pastor Bruxy Cavey.

Cavey was forced to resign his position on March 3 after an independent third-party investigation concluded he was guilty of sexual misconduct.

The investigator found that the relationship, which occurred when the victim, known as “Hagar,” came to Cavey for counselling, “constituted an abuse of Bruxy’s power and authority.”

"Hagar" disputed the finding, saying it was clergy sexual abuse.

The new allegations have not yet been proven, but the church is taking them seriously.

The letter from the church to the members is below.

Dear church family:

We have more difficult news to share with you.

As we shared last weekend, we have engaged a third-party victim advocate, Melodie Bissell, to independently and confidentially receive any concerns or allegations of sexual misconduct (including sexual abuse, sexual harassment, or abuse of power or authority) by a pastor, staff member, or lay leader within The Meeting House, whether current or historical.

We are so grateful for Melodie’s doctoral level education specializing in victim advocacy, and years of experience working with hundreds of victims and churches.

Our commitment, as we follow Jesus, is to be as honest and transparent as possible as we foster a safe and caring church community. Out of that commitment, we need to share with you that Melodie has received new allegations of sexual misconduct against Bruxy, unrelated to the previous investigation.

Melodie has obtained permission from the two individuals who have come forward to notify the Overseers and the church community that the allegations have been made.

These individuals are aware that their allegations have not yet been investigated. We take these initial allegations very seriously and will respond appropriately as more information is received.

The Overseers Board of The Meeting House encourages anyone who has experienced sexual misconduct or abuse by a pastor, staff member, or lay leader within The Meeting House to contact Melodie confidentially at mbissell@traumacareconsulting.com, or by calling 416-518-1058.

Please be assured that, if other allegations come forward, the Overseers will pursue appropriate steps to investigate and to care well for each person, as well as provide updates to our church community.

We will host another Town Hall discussion in the next couple weeks to provide any further updates, as well as to continue to talk about next steps for us as a church. Stay tuned for more information.

If you are finding this update triggering or especially painful, and need someone to process this with, please reach out to your Lead Pastor for pastoral care. We have also made arrangements to provide funds towards professional counselling for anyone in our church family who needs support.

Friends, these are hard days for our church. We lament with you and want to sit with the variety of emotions we are all feeling. These words from Isaiah 43 have been a comfort to our board in the past weeks, and we pray they are a comfort to you as well.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.

In peace and unity, Maggie John, Chair of the Overseers Board

 

Bruxy Cavey and The Meeting House sexual abuse scandal: Update from the March 10 town hall

 

On March 9 Anabaptist World published my story about the resignation of The Meeting House senior pastor Bruxy Cavey after a report found he had abused his power in engaging in a sexual relationship with a woman who came to him for counseling in 2011. A town hall was held March 8 by the church to address the situation.

A second town hall was hurriedly called on March 10 to answer some of the many questions that had come in since the first town hall; a report from that meeting is below.  

The Meeting House is a large Anabaptist congregation with a reported 5,000 people meeting at 20 sites in Ontario. It is part of the Be In Christ denomination.

Some of the material below has been incorporated into an update in my Anabaptist World article. 

At a town hall meeting held online on March 10, leaders from The Meeting House acknowledged they could have done a better job of assisting the victim of former senior pastor Bruxy Cavey during the investigation into her allegations, and that the church has a workplace culture that has fostered sexual misconduct over the years.

The event, facilitated by executive chair Maggie John and church leaders Nour Aziz, Yohan Mahimwala and Jennifer Hryniw, was held to deal with the hundreds of questions that had come into the church since the announcement of Cavey’s resignation on March 8. 

The event was attended by over 1,200 people. 

The town hall began with a statement from the victim, who goes by the name “Hagar.” 

In her statement, “Hagar” reiterated her critique that the findings of the independent investigation didn’t go far enough. 

As a result, some people still described it as an affair instead of what it was, “Hagar” said: clergy sexual abuse. 

“This began during a pastoral counselling relationship,” she said in the statement. 

“I was in crisis and trusted him, and I did not nor could I consent to a sexual relationship with him. This was not for me an extramarital relationship or affair. It was a devastating twisting of pastoral care into sexual abuse.” 

(Her full statement is available on her new website.) 

During the town hall, which was led by executive chair Maggie John and church leaders Nour Aziz, Yohan Mahimwala and Jennifer Hryniw, they said while they respected “Hagar’s” perspective, they agreed to stick with the language of the investigator’s report. 

There was “no doubt in anyone’s mind it was an abuse of power,” they said. 

In answers to questions from members, they said “Hagar” was not asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement, although Cavey was asked to refrain from making any public comments until the investigation was complete. 

He published a post titled “My Confession” on his blog after the first town hall meeting. 

When asked why Cavey wasn’t fired, they said the church felt resigning would give Cavey a “chance to take some responsibility. We felt it was the loving thing to do, even if it was the difficult thing to do.” 

A question was raised about when the abuse happened. No answer was given, but it “lasted a number of years and ended a few years ago,” they said. 

Nobody on staff or in leadership knew about it, they emphasized. 

They said the church continues to stand with Cavey’s wife, Nina, and their three daughters. 

Cavey’s content has been removed from the church’s website out of respect for “Hagar,” they said, adding it has been placed into an archive and could be brought back in the future. 

When asked if they would share the full investigator’s report, they said transparency was an important a value but they wanted “responsible transparency.” 

They would not share it “out of respect” for “Hagar,” they said. 

Near the end of the town hall it was suggested there “seems to be a clear workplace problem at The Meeting Place considering number of occurrences of sexual sin over the years.” 

What, said the questioner, will be done to prevent it in the future? 

They acknowledged sexual misconduct or abuse had happened at the church in the past, adding “we do have a problem . . . things have happened repeatedly.” 

They agreed they want to find a way to make people feel safe at the church and would examine the culture of The Meeting Place “and address it.” 

Just discussing it and moving on was not an option, they said, adding “there’s a lot more learning to do.”