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After posting news about two new allegations of sexual misconduct against Bruxy Cavey, the former lead pastor of The Meeting House, I heard from two people who have experience in working with denominations and victims of clergy sexual misconduct and abuse.
“Sadly, I am not surprised that there are more women,” said Karen Martens Zimmerly, currently a pastor at First Mennonite Church of Iowa City, about two more individuals coming forward with allegations of sexual misconduct against Cavey.
Martens Zimmerly did work on policies for clergy sexual misconduct when she was denominational minister for Mennonite Church Canada.
During that time, “a colleague told me that when a male pastor is confronted about a sexual misconduct violation, he is usually willing to admit it. This is often because he hopes it will cover the trail of other violations he has engaged in.”
Carol Penner teaches practical theology at Conrad Grebel University College in Waterloo, Ont.
She, too, thought it was likely there were other victims, “simply because pastors who violate sexual boundaries often have numerous victims.”
Penner, who has experience working with survivors of sexual abuse, wonders why The Meeting House didn’t immediately do a wider call for victims to come forward at the beginning of the investigation.
“Victims may not have wanted to come forward then,” she acknowledged. “But they may not have trusted the process.”
They may also not have been able to find the sexual misconduct policy; it is not available on The Meeting House’s website, or at least not able to be found with a search, she said.
“How are victims supposed to see what standards pastors are held to or what procedures they follow with complaints?” she asked.
While Penner has not seen the policy, she wonders whether the terms used in it limited the investigator to calling it misconduct rather than clergy sexual abuse.
At the same time, she realizes creating or changing those policies is complex.
“It takes months and lots of consultation to change misconduct policies and procedures,” she said, adding she is on a binational committee working on that for Mennonite Church USA/Canada doing that now.
Penner said she sympathizes with The Meeting House Board of Overseers for being saddled with an outdated policy.
“The investigator had to stick with the policy, that’s the way policies work,” she said.
Her hunch is some on the Board wanted to say more, including the words “pastoral sexual misconduct,” but wonders if they were advised by their legal counsel to only use the words from the policy.
Lawyers, she added, “are hired to protect the church from making mistakes that could lead to litigation.”
The church may also have been worried they will be sued by the victim (now victims), she went on to say, “or that Cavey will sue them for saying he did something that the investigation did not find.”
As for “Hagar,” “I really feel for her,” she said. “She was not given the clear statement she wanted, and she wasn’t given a victim advocate by the church. But she does have good people standing with her. Healing from clergy sexual misconduct is a very long journey.”
As for Cavey, he “may be reconsidering the wisdom of posting his confession,” she said. “Reading that may have galvanized other victims because he doesn’t apologize to them.”
Cavey himself “is the most powerful person in this story, with the most followers,” she added.
“He has used his platform to talk about himself mostly, to talk about ‘adultery’ and an ‘affair.’ He has not understood yet what he did to the victim. It takes a couple of years of counselling for abusers to gain some empathy for their victims, something he clearly lacks.”
